I wake to a waning full moon, dawn stealing the sky. In all this awakening beauty the presence of I AM is whispered. It would take a lion heart of courage to face the day with it’s unexpected spins and turns that whirl one startled and confused. And then there’s Christmas and gifts, stockings to fill, cookies to finish and this heart of mine is faint from futile attempts to cross the list clean. Someone please tell me to breathe.
AND there’s the appointment with the doctor. Everything’s a blur before noon…more tests, strange medical names, blood to be drained from this raw weary body and it’s then it all lets go. This dam breaks and the tears fall and I enter the hospital chapel desperate for hope, for this journey’s been long and there is no end in sight anytime soon. There resting on a table is a journal filled with cries like mine. Peace to make it through the season, someone named Mike who is ill and needs healing, others who are hanging on by threads. I am not alone and sometimes there is no road around and you just have to go through. I think of the email received from friends experiencing a monsoon of trials asking “pray please” and the phone call from a dear friend not knowing how they can afford to take their sick ones to the doctor and her husband is still suffering silently in pain while another friend’s waiting to hear if cancer’s returned and this heart of mine can barely beat from all the ache in the world weighing it down.
Little ones fall ill and I’m nursing fevered brows all the while lighting every candle in the house in a feeble attempt to push back the darkness. It’s then it dawns on this thick head, this hard heart that has forgotten all she knew. There’s baby Jesus on the mantel stretching his hands up from the manger in the candle light reminding I AM the light of the world. The one promised to bring light to people living in great darkness has come, is here and in the problems that plague and trials that drain there is hope that even though we go through deep waters they will not overwhelm because the God who created, who formed, is with us. He is the great I AM for every situation, every circumstance. He was and is and will forever be, unchanging, always with us. Suddenly the red sea staring is small and He is big and I sigh, weights lifting, mercy near and lights, lights everywhere twinkling.